Schingman's guide to medical
IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN": I didn't look up the original reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT": These data are practically
'WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO
THE QUESTIONS": An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope
to get it published.
"THREE OFTHE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY":
The other results didn't make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN": This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT: I might get
around to this sometime if pushed/funded.
"THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE OBTAINED BY JONES": He
was my graduate student his grade depended on this.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE: once.
"IN CASE AFTER CASE: twice.
"IN A SERIES OF CASES": thrice.
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT": I think.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT": A couple of other guys
think so too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE": wrong.
"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSYS': rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF
THESE FINDINGS": a wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA": Three pages
of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE
A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS": I don't
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES": They don't
understand it either.
"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT
AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS": Mr. Blotz
did the work and Ms. Schaeffer explained to me what It meant.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY": A
totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPEDTHAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION
IN THIS FIELD": I quit.