Malek's law of medical prose
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

Mr Cooper's law
If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without you.
Bogovich's corollary: if the piece makes no sense without the word, it will make no sense with the word.

Felson's law
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Dolman's law of medical publishing
1. If the datadon't support your conclusion, remove some data.
2. If there are no data left, make some up.

IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN": I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT": These data are practically meaningless.

'WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS": An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"THREE OFTHE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY": The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN": This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT: I might get around to this sometime if pushed/funded.

"THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE OBTAINED BY JONES": He was my graduate student his grade depended on this.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE: once.

"IN CASE AFTER CASE: twice.

"IN A SERIES OF CASES": thrice.

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT": I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT": A couple of other guys think so too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE": wrong.

"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSYS': rumor has it.

"A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS": a wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA": Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS": I don't understand it.

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES": They don't understand it either.

"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS": Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Schaeffer explained to me what It meant.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY": A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"IT IS HOPEDTHAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD": I quit.